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NOTE: potentially too much information for anyone who  knows me in real life. Not for the squeamish.

I am lying on the sofa with what feels like the worst kind of period pain (disclaimer: it’s a couple of days later, now, as I finish this). It’s not my period, though. It’s the aftermath of having a copper coil fitted.

Even though I took painkillers, had a very good doctor, breathed through the pain (“a little pinch” is NEVER just a little pinch) and have a hot-water bottle tucked into my jeans, the swirly-wirly shape of my inner tubes means that now the anaesthetic has worn off I’m suffering the consequences of traumatising my uterus for the sake of making sure I don’t have a baby in the next five years. Not kidding about the swirly-wirly – I had to go to a specialist to get this done because my normal doctor didn’t have the necessary tools to navigate.

Aside from no babies, I’m looking forward to having no babies without pumping extra hormones into my system. For the past ten years I’ve been on some form of hormonal birth control and I have no idea what my skin, weight or even personality are like without extra doses of this or that. I might be a monster when I’m not on a daily pill – or I might be a far, far nicer person (you know, sincerely nice instead of me nice).

Things I have read that worry me slightly about going non-hormone (short and long-term):

• My periods may be heavier: I got used to barely dealing with anything (except the obligatory teary/angry couple of days). And I associate heavier periods with more pain. Hopefully that won’t be the case.

• PMS: Speaking of periods, the first one after taking stopping taking Cerazette is likely to be a doozy, and I’m likely to be an emotional wreck, and this is all going to be taking place at my in-laws house. And I’m very much a PMSer. The conversation about this with my other half went like this:

Me: “I think I’ve got the mother of all periods prepping to arrive soon.”
CM (with a worried look): “Really?”
Me: “Yeah.”
CM: “Maybe you should stay here for Christmas and I’ll go to my parents by myself. It’ll be safer.”

I think he was only half joking. Also, I don’t know whether being on the pill reigned in my PMS or exacerbated it.

• Weight: for a while, on Jasmin and quite a lot of walking, I was pretty skinny. Then I got the Implanon implant and it seemed that if I gained a pound, there was no way to shift it, and so I put on about a stone and a half in the first year of having it inserted. At the moment, I’m the healthiest and fittest I’ve been since I was 13, so being unable to discern a drop in size/weight despite all the exercise has been frustrating, especially since I was previously someone who lost weight through activity rather than changes in diet. Now I’m off hormones, I hope that I’ll be able to shrink a bit – but this is the moment of truth really. It might just be that, now I’m older, I’m never going to shift any of the flab, which I can live with, but still, it would be disappointing.

• My skin: I had really shit skin as a teenager, and I still have the odd breakout, but I suspect that while my body sorts itself out I’m going to look a bit acne ridden. AND WHAT IF IT’S PERMANENT?! Fun times.

• This bit of medical gumph.
  

But then all of the above worries, in various forms, applied every time I changed pill, so, hey ho. It’s just that if there’s something I’m not happy with, I’ll have to accept that that’s just me. Also, no hormones may mean an end to the debilitating migraines of the past few years, thank goodness.

Anyone have any feedback on their experiences with going on/off hormonal contraception?