This post will change your life*

If I had the Power, I would occasionally add an extra day to the week. Just when it was needed; just another 24-hours to do all the little things that aren’t really fitting into the usual days of the week. (It’s kind of late right now, and the clocks are about to jump forward and steal an extra hour, so I don’t have the time or inclination to think of a suitably Hellenic name for the extra day. If you can think of one, then please, answers on a postcard or in the comments.)

I don’t have the Power, obviously, or Bernard’s Watch, which would also solve the problem nicely. What I DO have is a friend’s early draft manuscript to read, a sh*tload of freelance work to blast through, swimming, cycling, a song to record, pictures to hang, housework and my own (fun, creative) writing to be getting on with. And all in the space of what’s left of the weekend, which is about 24 hours at this point. And some of those hours I need to sleep through.

I also have a blog entry to write – I do actually get nagged by a few people if your weekly dose of nonsense isn’t up by Monday morning – so I’m doing it now, while I’m hazy and tipsy on apple crumble and exhausted from a (mostly) good day and so happy to just ramble.

Today’s rambling takes the form of Things We Have Learnt This Week.

"The human head weight 8 pounds." Pay attention. Today's wisdom even outshines this kid's knowledge.
“The human head weight 8 pounds.”
Pay attention. Today’s wisdom even outshines this kid’s knowledge.

1 – However much you cling to the idea of being young and full of energy, at 31 (bordering 32) going to a double-bill at the cinema on Tuesday night and walking home from Deptford at 3 in the morning, then waking for work at 6.30, is going to destroy you for the rest of the week. By ‘you’, I mean ‘me’.

2 – There are at least four foxes living around the top half of Deptford High Street, apparently in perfect harmony. Five days on I haven’t managed to craft the perfect, and admittedly niche, Fox Four-ce Five joke from that knowledge.

3 – One of our dogs understands mirrors and reflections. This intelligence is worrying for a number of reasons, but may come in handy in some sort of hostage/kidnapping situation where we need to communicate using sign language in reflective glass. Note to self: teach the smarter husky sign language.

4 – The wheels and pull-handle in a wheelie-suitcase take up about 5 litres of space in the bag. Use a backpack for cabin luggage, especially if it’s EasyJet. This will also save many fellow travellers’ ankles, and they will thank you for it.

5 – I can’t tell the difference between Alan Silvestri’s score for Romancing the Stone, and classic song Baker Street.

6 – Joe Dunthorne, he of Submarine and Wild Abandon writer fame, is an extremely talented poet, and even if you don’t like poetry I think it’s worth reading his work because it’s smart and funny and accessible. But I like poetry, so I would say that. Here he is, reading a seemingly effortless sestina (fun fact: sestinas are never effortless). Also, he’s tall. For whatever reason, I thought he was going to be short. Nope.

7 – Maggots can live on uncooked lasagne sheets. Don’t ask me how I know this.


Take this knowledge and use it wisely.



*I lied.

4 thoughts on “This post will change your life*

    1. There was actually more swearing than that in response to the maggots. But that’s because I’m not very ladylike.

      Have realised I also get Careless Whisper confused with those two. It’s possible I just can’t tell sax solos apart.


  1. Also, have you heard the theory about Fox Force Five actually being the basis for Kill Bill?
    Something about The Vixen returning to settle her “Dept” with Bill.
    Can’t remember her joke in PF, though. That would need to come into it.


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